People and Things that are gradually pissing me off enough to either A) shove them in a port-o-potty and throw them off a hill or B) subject them to having to watch a continuous stream of billy mays infomercials about oxy-clean.
So here we go:
So i talked about this shit a few days ago. curbing free speech, another fun, family filled american past time that we still love, because you know fuck baseball and everything. so im sick of it folks, and it wont stop. it will never stop. you know why? we are all fucking idiots like this guy:
And we have him, and numerous other ass hats (not trying to lay it all on ya georgey) that have curbed our free speech. hell the quran burning fella in florida was arrested in dear born michigan for what he is doing. now ive said it a million times the guy is batshit crazy, he should be locked into a place like the bryce mental hospital in alabama, and i personally along with many other americans (i have been elected to be the speaker for us as i have the blog) wish that mr. terry jones would please shut the fuck up and go back to his air boat, second cousin wife, and crisco filled frying machine, and leave the quran and the rest of us alone. but to that i support his right to say it. the reason that our speech has been curbed is not because of people like this it is because of people like us who tell this guy to shut the fuck up. the more we tell people that there are limits on this right then we are held responsible for curbing their free speech. its such a gray area but rights are either unlimited and completely open ended, or they are privileged. happy speech can not be the only form of free speech, nor can hate speech be the only form of free speech. they are equal in the realm of rights. but i have figured out the best way to at least slow the hate speech, and still allow for all of us to have our rights. just when you speak, make it louder than the hate monger like terry jones.
So if you are one of these people that eat totinos at 1130 in the morning and watch the price is right till you pass again, then you have no idea who this is. but if you are a normal person, or even a not so normal person, or even if you are just one of those people, you probably have heard by now that kate middleton, the simpleton girl of the british countryside will be marrying prince william of wales this friday. a beautiful love story of two college sweethearts, from drastically different back grounds, has been nothing but the cats meow the past few months, and im sick of it. i have a few problems with this and here they are:
1. so the british monarchy is at it again. marrying another simpleton to try and prove to all of us that they are just like us, just they have fancy hats, and happen to live in a big fucking house in a place with some of the highest property value on the planet. your not like us, don;t mask yourselves, people in india, hong kong, and other assorted nations have not forgotten what the british monarchy represents.
2. the united states loves our drugs and media. we especially love when the media tells us that we somehow have something invested in this wedding. like they are our prince and future princess. get real. we don't even grant titles of nobility in this country, why do we care so much about the british monarchy getting married. we fought for independence from these people, and they have turned into one of our most trusted allies. and for that i am grateful, we live in a global world that is important. what's not important is the millions of americans taking off work to watch this shit. or wake up at unreasonable hours (i.e. 4 a.m.) to watch teh coverage of this wedding. if we are going to watch the british monarch be married, then why don't we film every person that gets married. we will make a tv network, the married channel, constant feed of vegas churches, courthouses, and other assorted places with nothing but weddings. i bet i know what the ratings would be like, jack shit compared to what this will be. i think that the people of britian should rejoice, and be so into this, and above all appreciate it. but americans? germans? brazilians? why the fuck do we care? this has no bearing on us, or anybody, except for them. let them enjoy it and start giving me real news please.
I have no idea who this is, never heard a song of theirs in my life and have no plans to. but i know they are a screamo band and thats who is next on my shit list. will someone please tell me the musical satisfaction you get from hearing some guy who wears his girlfriends pants, scream words into a microphone that you do not understand, all the while the music playing makes you want to punch small children and drive really really fast, maybe off a cliff because it sounds so bad. and like all music it creates a culture beneath it:
Like this unfortunate pack of screamo's. i have no objections to what people wear, i come from a house deep in the idea of do what the fuck you want just dont hurt people mentality. but come on. be real here. would you listen to their music and join their scene? doubtful. the music is awful, makes my ears bleed, the clothes are expensive as shit and made of shit material in a shit filled factory in china, with shitty workers. not a fan of screamo, if i have a reader here that can find the musical wonderland of screamo satisfying i would love for you to comment and explain, otherwise they are just a bunch of tight jean wearing, incoherent people who have extremely bad taste in music. i would rather spend my time (and this is a big statement here) listening to lil wayne mix tapes the rest of my life than have to hear screamo from the ass hat in the honda crv next to me with his monster energy drink hat, and purple hair.
this next group is a special group. a group of people so fundamentally motivated, they have infiltrated our schools, our communities, our ways of life and have braiinwashed millions:
Oh yeah thats right im calling out DARE. The Drug Abuse Resistance Education. now forever i have supported MADD, mothers against drunk driving, as i see driving drunk the same as carrying a loaded shot gun everywhere, something bad is bound to happen, and when it does it could have been prevented. madd could tone down a little and not be so crazy whacked out on the scene at every turn, but the message is right. and to that so is the DARE message. trying to keep kids off drugs is a great campaign. i dont want 2nd graders tripping on lsd nor do i want 6th graders smoking pot. just not my thing. so the message is good. but the way that message is taught, and the way that message is conveyed, is totally fucked and for that DARE is next on my shit list. these people are going to schools, communities, etc and telling kids if you do drugs your life is over you are failure, the only way to save yourself is through rehab and prayer. well let me tell ya something, while that kid is learning that mom and dad are probably on either A) their 5th joint today B) rushing to the pharmacy to get a refill on xanex C) doing lines in the corporate office while swindling americans out of money or D) banging the pool guy or the maid. americans love drugs, expecially when prescribed or if it's green. we love the other drugs to but not as much as those. but really, what happens to these kids as they get older? well guess what it's the same thing that happens to all of them unless they live in a commune. they get into high school, they hang around kids who drink and smoke pot they try pot and drink a few beers, they find out the truth and theyy become pot smokers and alcohol drinkers. happens every day. happened to me. i alwasy thought drugs were bad, who didn't thats what we were told right? don't do drugs you wont liek them and your life will be over. well im alive, and i like drugs. not all drugs, but just a select few. as i said keeping children off drugs is important, but eventually these kids grow up around it it's apart of that ages culture (15-25). they go to college and there are more drugs and even more people who enjoy them, and you only meet those people out and about because the drugs make them want to go out and about and have some fun, kick back, let loose, and wash the day/week away. others sit around alone having no fun. im not saying you have to do drugs to have fun, but you can bet that most people having fun, like and do drugs of some sort. it's natural these days. DARE scares kids away, and makes them weak to whats out there. "JUST SAY NO," doesn't work anymore. not when the kids will be ridiculed for not being apart of the crowd. and then they cave in and find out what it's all about. changes everything. DARE is a failure, it sucks, the message is conveyed entirely wrong, and it's just another shit stain in this country.
you all know what this is. it's a dishwasher. made everybody's life easier when this bad boy was created. oooooo an on an off switch, lasagna crust busting power? honey we have to have it! well i don't like em. ive had a dishwasher or two in my day, but for the most part i have always lived in a house without one, and never really saw the need, or the desire for one. for one they use more water than actually washing dishes. two they have no real function in a home unless you are A) fat, lazy, and stupid and have no idea how to actually wash dishes B) in college and simply have no time for dishes what with all that pot smoking and drinking, or was that studying? C) you have 30 kids and you must be crazy to think you are washing all those fucking dishes, unless your mormon and you have 10 wives, in which case no dishwasher or D) you have become a conformist american consumer in the forever ending cycle that is american consumer culture. well most of you fall into B or D i would suppose. but this machine is yet another creation that has made life so much easier for us. that is with our time not our wallets. you spend more on energy and water with a dishwasher, as opposed to actually being brave and *GASP* washing dishes by hand. it made a simple task that should not take longer than 20 minutes, into an easy throw it in there and come back in an hour task. so while your mom waits for the dishwasher to turn off she can go blow the UPS man that brought your dads new telescope. we got so lazy as to make something to do something so minuscule and easy just so we wouldnt have to stick our hands in dirty water, and waste our time washing dishes. stupidity folks plain and simple.
but the 2nd cousin of the dishwasher (once removed), was the real kicker, it mad eus even lazier than ever before. it made everything easier for us, and it was the driving force behind our lazy nature:
yes the tv remote, the glorious wonderful world of the remote. no more getting off the couch and changing channels, no way jose, just sit back shove that face full of boston cream pie, a bucket of kentucky fried chicken, while washing it down with a gallon of gin, because guess what master of the L-shaped sofa? you are king of that tv with that remote my friend. yes the remote control created this driving force for easy access, streamlined life style, and breeds pure laziness. now i love my remote, i couldn't imagine having to always get up and move, that would just be to much to ask. and really who has time to sit by the tv and flip through 1,000's of channels? maybe when i had basic tv that was an option but i cant go from WYFF Channel 4 to the catholic love boat network on channel 876. fuck that i need my remote. but you can't say it wasn't the start of something better, bigger, streamlined. but it ended up creating a much larger problem. americans use to not even care about WALKING 20 miles in a day to get where they were going, now we can't even walk 3 feet to the TV. how times do change.
oh my next bit here is far from my last on this tuesday night. shopping malls:
I deliver sandwiches, and my job location is literally 200 yards from the big mall here in greenville. now greenville's mall looks nothing like this, but i still hate it. i deliver there and never get tipped, except from the makeup lady in belk. but not only that. there are alwasy crying children, running around like they have no logic or common sense or even some sort of forward thinking. their parents are oblivious to their snot filled kids who are just cess pools of infection waiting to happen, and mommy and daddy sit around and shop at coach, or louis vaton, or any one of those other "have's" stores, while that fucking kid of their won't get out of my way as i deliver a sandwich to their mom, who is in the process of buying a 700 dollar purse or some stupid shit like that. shopping malls blow. they are centers for confused teenagers and adolescents, grimy left over carnies working in the food court, over priced stupid products (i,e, THE AS SEEN ON TV STORE), bad smelling places (im talking to you hollister and your 20 bottles of cologne you spray to lure brain washed teenagers into your store to buy your over priced, shit ridden clothes), and of course where you dump grandma and grandpa while you go munch on panera bread and laugh about them having no tastebuds. but in all seriousness it's a horrible place. you are vulnerable there, to infection, disease, loud children, rude stares, shitty attitudes, nasty rednecks, annoying hippsters, stupid gang-stas, and that dumb ass rent a cop ranger rick. it all makes for the most un-pleasurable experience one can have aside from being forced to have sex with joan rivers, but when ya think about it....
this is probably my biggest pet peeve. i hate this shit so much:
So when i lived alone in my studio, i left my TP like the third option. on the back of the toilet seat, as i did not have a TP roll in my bathroom. i viewed it as necessary, and quite easy. but the first option on the left is something that drives me crazy. i have no idea why people do this. when i see tp like that before i even hit the seat i change it. you know it drives you crazy too. i have traveled many a AMTRAK train, and drank many a amtrak coffee, and moving train a few cigs and a coffee or two things get to moving in my body. so yes i admit i ahve used an amtrak toilet for the purposes of making number 2. but i have even noticed the US Government (amtrak is a gv't corporation, long story short the gov bought all the trains and made amtrak the only passenger rail) puts the TP like the option in the middle. but you know the tea baggers would never do that because they hate the government. anyways if you are one of the 10 or so jackasses that insist on putting the toilet paper liek option A, i will find you and i will put that TP in it's proper place, you best be watching out!
Oh this is a big one folks, i stole this bit from a hero of mine, and a man i proclaim to be a saint, and prophet, george carlin, i have added a few tidbits here but it's been nagging me forever so lets dive right in:
People that pray to their dead loved ones for help here on earth. you know these people. they say, "oh yeah my dad he was looking out for me, helped me get that job, i prayed so hard to him, he made it all happen." what kind of whacko shit is that? like this person's dad went to god and intervened on your behalf and got you that job, or saved your ass in a car crash or some shit. i mean if everybody is praying to their loved ones to intervene with god on your behalf that must be all heaven is, the US postal service in the heavens. or is it the heavenly branch of the Make A Wish Foundation. i mean when do you get to be feed grapes from virgins in linen cloth, while laying on a cloud and taking a fucking harp lesson. you rally thing god and your dad or whoever helped you? come on i can see go dnow "yeah yeah math test tuesday get the fuck outta here me and colonel sanders have a poker game going with jabba the hut come back in two hours jack ass." come on praying to dead loved ones doesn't help. and why do we just assume all our loved ones go up there, i dont belive in up there but why do we assume they all go there? i mean some people have to go to hell, and if everybody is praying to up there to their parents, then i guess nobody is down there. but that would defeat the whole purpose of religion in the first place right? i don't know, sounds like a big farce to me.
happy reveling
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