So this guy is the Democrat's choice to run for president. And seeing as he's already been there for 3.5 years, it would be reasonable to believe he will be there guy. But hes got competition from the Republicans, and now (more than a year and a half ahead of the date) the GOP primaries are in full swing. Now I will not endorse a republican candidate and to that, even if i did, who the hell would care, my opinion does not carry the weight that say teh CEO of Bank of America's does. But heres a run down of who I think the most formidable candidates for the Republicans are in 2012:
So this is Herman Cain. He's black (we already got one of those in office so his win wouldnt be to big of a deal), AND hes not a career politician like everybody else running for the GOP nod. He's the former CEO of Godfathers Pizza. And somehow, people believe that because ol' pizza makin herman got godfatehrs pizza out of the gutter and the brink of bankruptcy, that somehow that expertise will translate to him turning our washed up shit hole of an economy around. Well if that was the case, then every successful kid with a lemonade stand should be in this race. If we have reached a point in this country where we thing a guy who use to run a pizza chain is our last vestige of hope to turn our country around, then we are clearly a lot worse off than we all think. Now ol Herm will most likely not be the nomination to take on the president in the fall of 2012, and really it's sad. For one he's black, and hes a republican. Immediately there is a conflict here. The republican base (those bible thumping, mcdonalds eating, natty light swiggin', ford truck driving, cousin fuckers) simply won't vote for a black guy, even if hes one of them. This kind of reminds me of that Chappelle show:
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This is John Huntsman. He looks awfully happy doesn't he? Well it's what I call the "morman gaze" yes mr. huntsman is a morman. and by morman i don't mean like hes got more than other men, i mena hes one of those weird people who said fuck it when everybody on the east coast realized how fuckin crazy they were and they moved to utah, yes that kind of morman. Well Mr. Huntsman, besides his obvious folly of being a morman in america, is a pretty level headed fellow. Hes been quoted as saying he believes in climate change (you know the thing that will ultimately kill us all off?) he believes in evolution (maybe hes not a morman after all) and hes for the legalization of marijuana (he got willie nelson's endorsement, wich might go a long way believe it or not). It would seem mr huntsman is actually a liberal. But he's not, his economic policy (unlike ol pizza makin herm) does not involve running the economy like a pizza chain, nor like barack obama, his economic policy to be quite frank, is well, nearly non-existent. Now mr. huntsman use to be the governor of morman land (utah), and for the most part I guess he did a good job, but still theres just not enough out there to make him a wow guy. hes got the same economic policy as everybody else, less regulation, let the free market go, lower some taxes, this that and the other and really its just mainstream gop economic's thats hes holding steady to. But that's not going to be what destroys the one semi-normal person in this group of crazies. No the thing that will destroy mr huntsman is simple, hes a morman, and he believes in climate change, evolution, and he digs marijuana. So right off the bat his religion is to weird for americans, he believes the total opposite of what all other people around him believe about climate change, his evolution stance immediately makes him a no-go for the gop base, and he likes drugs, therefore he can't be the gop guy.
First dumb brunette haired bitch (exit stage right) ENTER second crazier dumber bitch (stage right). Yep this is Michelle Bachman, the congresswoman from Minnesota. Oh yes shes full of great quizzical knowledge like: Wishing Elvis a happy birthday on the day of his death, or speaking in New Hampshire and proclaiming how excited she was to be in the state that was home to the first battles of the revolutionary war in lexington and concord......... Massachusetts, or even saying that the recent east coast earthquake and hurricane irene were acts of god, or that time she went to waterloo iowa and was so excited to be in the home town of john wayne.........john wayne gacy that is, the guy who murdered and raped boys while dressed as a clown, yeah that john wayne. Yes little bachman is full of great information. Even if that information is wrong. Her husband marcus bachman runs a "pray the gay away" treatment facility. And we all know how that works, make gay people feel like shit and tell them they are going to hell, and scare the gay away, but if you knew marcus, you would most likely think he needs to be getting treatment at his own facility. And of course michelle and her husband have a farm that they received subsidies from the federal government, but michelle hates the federal government and would like to see it be obliterated. She also wants to lock up the Environmental Protection Agency if shes president. Hell yeah! Thats what the fuck im talkin about, fuck clean water and clean air, who needs that shit? I like getting TB from my faucet and breathing green air, all you hippy dippy enviro freaks can fuck off! Well thats not really my stand but that might as well be hers. Michelle is not very bright, and who knows it could be that cold minnesota air is clogging up her brain's ability to think, or maybe shes just naturally stupid. Either way shes a good fit for republicans, she fits right in with the god fearing, hate mongering, anti-government agenda they all adore. But her big issue is this: she only appeals to the republican base. now the republican base is very crucial for success in primaries, it's the same as if you were going to run as student body president, first you would get your friends on board then you would convince all the others right? well unfortunately for michelle, only her friends want her to win, while everybody else is standing there saying "what a fuckin nut bag." See you can claim that natural disasters (which were happenign long before the creation of god) are divine acts, you can claim that elivs was born on the day he died, you can threaten to take away clean air and water, you can promise to repeal health care, and you can claim the president was not born in this country (which she has since rebuked) and the only people listening to you are your friends, because they dont want to hurt your feelings, but guess what I don't like you, support you, and im certainly not your friend mrs. batshit bachman, so ill tell you what your friends wont: YOUR A DUMBASS. there it's settled,, maybe it would be best for you to attend k-12 education again, i really think this would help you understand how govt works and it might even be able to teach you some american history since that seems to be a problem, or maybe you can take geography classes and learn that the soviet union does not exist any more (http://content.usatoday.com/communities/onpolitics/post/2011/08/michele-bachmann-soviet-union-/1) or hell maybe you could do as you already do and be a submissive wife (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/08/11/michele-bachmann-submissive-wife-iowa-gop-debate_n_925063.html) and get the hell out of this presidential race before you make an even bigger fool of yourself. See michelle there are plenty of avenues for you to go down, be that getting a new education (which you clearly need) or maybe even become the mom off leave it to beaver and just washing dishes and wiping baby asses, either way politics is clearly not your think, nor is thinking.
Hey whose that guy? He looks really familiar, ive seen him somewhere before, do you know him? OH yeah thats right it's good ol ramblin mit romney! Yes your eyes do not deceive you, that is indeed 2008 presidential candidate and former Massachusetts governor mitt romney, aka the first morman. Yes mitt is running for president again, and is presumably the "main stream" republican candidate this go round. you see mitt lost in 08 to that guy that cant lift his arms up for the republican nomination, and now hes had 3 years to prep for what is most likely his last opportunity at the most powerful job in the world. But recent blunders like "Corporations are people too my friend" to a person at a recent town hall meeting, along with his questionable campaign finances, the "Mormans for Mitt" campaign is looking increasingly dire. Up untill rick perry got into the race (more on him in a moment) romney was leading the pack of gop nominees. Hes got the looks, the hair, the creditably, hes got the business man thing going. But poor mitt faces the same obstacle that our dear friend mr. huntsman faces: HES A MORMAN. Yes folks it's a fact that the United States got a black dude in office before a morman, and to be quite honest with you, it will most likely stay that way. American's are just afraid of mormans and their 20 wives (note: the Church of Jesus Christ of Lader Day Saints does not promote polygamy anymore). But mitt's done a great job of convincing everybody that hes still normal despite his odd religious beliefs (it could be worse right? he could be a muslim? *gasp* *shreik* (lady faints to the ground)) (no knocks on my muslim hommies out there) no mitt's biggest problem is this right here:
"There may be some aspects of (the Massachusetts law) that can be picked up by other states ... perhaps even some national elements that could be adopted. ...Everybody in our state has to have health insurance."
Thats a Mitt Romney quote from an interview with PBS in 2006. You see when mitt was governor of mass. he implemented a health care law in the state that required each person to have health insurance. His plan now called the "Romney Plan" was and is the basis for the health care law passed by president obama in 2009. It's the same plan, the exact same plan actually. And now he hates it, even though his home state now carries the title of "best health care coverage in the nation." People in mass are treated to fantastic health care coverage, and more over they pay higher taxes to be able to have that privilege, and guess what? Massachusetts is not doing to bad, healthy people, good schools, nice roads, oh yes it's just horrifying. Well when the campaign begins mr romney will be questioned by many about his stance and don't expect him to support what he did, he will do a total 180 degree flip flop on that subject, or he will ust avoid it by covering his ears with his wads of money.
And folks finally we have reached my favorite of all the "batshit crazy" people the republicans have decided to put against the prez. Yes hes a texan, yes hes white, yes he hates the federal government (even though he wants the most powerful job in it) and yes hes a christian. ladies and gentlemen i give you:
RICK MOTHA FUCKIN PERRY!!!
Oh yes, this is the guy that I think will get that republican nomination, and will set up what is destine to be one helluva presidential election. Mr. Perry is the current governor of texas (you know just like the guy who was in charge before obama), and if he would have his way hed be the fuckin president of that shit hole. A few years back mr. perry was talking about secession (you know that thing when states say fuck this and leave the country, but are actually still attached to it? you know that thing those states in the south tried 150 years ago? yeah that) and if he would have gotten his way texas might not be in america anymore, it might just have become the republic of texas, just like the old days, which I wouldn't be totally opposed to, it would ensure that no more dumb ass wanna be cowboys are president anymore. But thats not the only thing ranger rick brings to the table. you can bet if hes president there will be ufc style cage fighting at the federal reserve next fall if he wins. yep a few weeks ago ranger rick was quoted as saying that if the fed didnt stop printing money it would ruin the country and that (while speaking to people in iowa) "down in texas we would treat him pretty ugly" in reference to fed chairman ben bernanke. So if he wins we will be treated to Perry V. Bernanke LIVE at the Federal Reserve Arena in Washington D.C. tickets just 5 bucks! No but really he did say that he would treat the chairman of the fed ugly. Then jus tthis week he billed the federal government and the obama administration 340 billion for "covering the cost of keeping fuckin mexicans out of our country" well that wasnt the exact quote but you get the point. But why would ranger rick bill the govt for that much? I mena this is the same guy that says we are spending too much and we need to lower our national debt, well how the fuck do we do that if your gonna keep billing the federal govt for money that you claim they dont have? See ranger rick is just so confusing, so outrageous, and so fuckin nutty that he appeals to the republican base. But he also appeals to the republican masses. He's another one of these gun totting, straight shootin son of a bitches from texas who dont play any of those faggy bullshit liberal games like compromise and agreements. Hell no thats not ranger rick's thing, hes all or nothing, my way or the highway kind of guy, and you better believe if he gets to the white house, im gonna be hittin that highway straight for canada, because the last time we had a guy like this in charge things like this happened:
So when you start watching the increased coverage about the 2012 elections keep a warry eye on these folks above, they will be the ones challenging blacky mc black blackerson for the presidency, and my question to you is do you really think that a CEO of a pizza chain, two mormans, a dumb crazy bitch, and a wanna be cowboy are the ones that can help change this country?
Happy reveling!
